Anonymous asked: “What do you do when your anxiety becomes paralyzing? I feel so trapped in the day to day and I don't know what to do. I am about to turn 23 and I just transfered to a 4 year anniversary where I will be for two more years to get my bachelors but it's so different and a lot challenging than community college which is giving me anxiety of whether I will even survive and graduate. I fought so hard to get here and now I am not sure if this is even what I want. I feel behind in life compared to other”

I’d say face it head on. I had paralyzing anxiety for the past couple months and I literally couldn’t focus on anything. Once I was vocal about my issues, and didn’t try and hide what was bothering me, I felt really liberated. It can be hard if you’re a perfectionist or have been set on one path to admit things are falling to shit and you’re having doubts. Once I started feeling that way about my second degree, my relationship etc. I just voiced them freely. I didn’t try and conceal what was shaking my footing, and I was just upfront about it to the people in my life. And doing that was so helpful because it’s like I let out a monster that was twisting my interior.

I’d also encourage you to work on flexibility. Any time plans go south, or any time doubts arise, use it as an opportunity to consider and act on alternatives. Some of the best advice I’ve ever received is to bail early. Don’t submit to the sunken cost fallacy where you base your future actions off of the extent of your previous investment. In my last relationship, I stayed for the final 4 month because I figured that with three years in, I should just continue to stick it out. And those months were filled with tensions because that anxiety was trying to tell me something. And I’m not advocating for rash and impulsive decisions. But if you genuinely have doubts, solicit advice and other perspective, share your concerns, and don’t be afraid to make alterations to paths that are obsolete. 

Anonymous asked: “What about the feeling of longing? I find myself so burdened by it. I want so badly but often times it’s things that require patience or cosmic timing or action by another to come into fruition”

Hmm. I struggle with the same things. I think it’s a consequence of being a long term thinker. I find I mitigate that tendency best by doing things that force me to focus on my body and immediate feelings. It’s why I love working out, being affectionate, cooking and enjoying food, and focusing on my body. 

I also find that I get more satisfaction from the end result rather than the process, and this too feeds into my tendency to dwell on the future. And what I do for that is have an end goal, and then literally write down small but concrete markers of progression towards that goal. And I have multiple goals, so when I feel stagnation in one dimension, I can look at other markers of progress and focus on perpetuating those. And of course, it’s important to have things in the here and now that bring you enjoyment. It seems to obvious, and that’s something I have a hard time with. I’m very oriented towards my long term goals, and it feels like most of my actions are directed to fulfilling those- that I can forget what I actually like doing. Having a few frivolous activities or hobbies that are not directed to any greater goal can be liberating when you’re caught dwelling on the future. 

Anonymous asked: “What made you decide that you want to go to law school? I am also grappling with the idea but am so turned off by the cliche image of the lawyer who is overworked, spends little time with their family, etc. And so I’m curious what you think about the profession”

My aunt is a successful lawyer and she has an amazing life. She is one of the strongest and most accomplished women I know. And she’s a terrific mother, wife, lawyer, and person. If you have the discipline and the energy, it’s possible. My cousin is also in law school, and he has to be ready to make big sacrifices because he needs to prove himself for the first few years. And that’s a part of any job. You need to show your devotion and competence. And there are so many branches of law, and you don’t need to work for a major company. It’s not the most flexible, but I personally thrive when I have a lot on my plate. I like being pulled in a lot of directions, and I love making routines and systems that allow me to accomplish everything. I see those high commitment roles as opportunities to test my limits. It’s just my disposition. And if it’s yours, then I’m sure it’d be a good path. I think it’s good to be realistic about who you are, and also be flexible. One of my close friends has a law degree from Cambridge but isn’t a lawyer. I always say you can never be over educated.